Bad Day

finals

Amid the pressure of finals, physical exhaustion from moving out, the need to sell my furniture/car,   follow-ups for my new job... I JUST WANT TO WATCH AMERICAN HORROR STORIES and THE HEIR (yes, this is my second k drama addiction).

[cry]

One of my fav quotes from Murakami

"Curiosity can bring guts out of hiding at times, maybe even get them going. But curiosity usually evaporates.  Guts have to go for the long haul. Curiosity's like a fun friend you can't really trust. It turns you on and then leaves you to make it on your own - with whatever guts you can muster."– Haruki Murakami

Being a journalist, curiosity is essential, but not enough. It takes guts to challenge someone, to get difficult sources to confront issues they want to avert, and to spot red flags.

American Horror Story

I'm addicted to American Horror Story. Currently on season two, which is about sanity. The more I watch it the more I cannot get away from it!

Jessica Lange is hands down the best actress ever. She can handle any characters– and I seriously want to interview her as a journalist.

Here's a sneak peek of Season two, which takes place in an asylum:

Christianity, sanity, sexuality, guilt all under one roof. I'd like to write a horror story when I'm free (trying to make this sound as casual/normal as possible)...

「做自己」跟「沒禮貌」常常是一線之間

是時候改變一下了

You lived life in the fast lane, sometimes you ended up as road kill.

i lost my creativity

We have been looking through the dusty glass. We devoured our every sight, from the mundane duty of streetlamps (which only increased the street’s obscurity) to dog walking (we thought such activity only suit individuals who could not bear their idleness). As the sky grew darker, lights abandoned the daytime, and the shadows ran riot in our imaginations. It was as if they fused with the lonely force to confirm our insignificance in life and smother our deserved sensations. The drooping trees provided couples an intimate aura, yet the leaflessness of the tree revealed their actual alarmed movements. We absorbed the shadows of night and the vibrations from insects. They were merely sound, coming from every direction, maybe above our roof, or hiding in the bushes. We had no idea what they looked like, and their existence was so unreal because of their mechanical buzzing. We listened in stillness. Crepuscular yellow car lights diminished and reappeared. We made a larger gap between the window and the outside world. A breeze arose. In the blackness, the leaves of trees began to flutter, filling the air outside and inside our lungs with an unfamiliar scent (not materialistic or contrived we found in department stores). Our sights blurred all of a sudden but without further allowance of time, we dried the tears. Sometimes the darkness would let out a vulture cry, or ripples would spread across the water’s surface as though something had just swum by. We felt for the dark masses of leaves that helplessly exposed their vulnerability, as they chased after the wind. Everyday the branches showed growing patches of sky, or the houses which receded behind the mist of defeated youth. The leaves shed themselves, came floating down and circling, like the world shedding itself in an endless profusion. We saw another dead pigeon squashed by a car, voicelessly screaming its dissatisfaction with the stubbornness of life. The natural death lingered after us, with the window thrown open, and then we saw a streak of yellow and orange dissecting the sky into two, making the world more beautiful then ever.

If we half closed our eyes and covered our ears, we could trick ourselves into thinking what was still going on, through the stained glass panes and decaying brick walls. 

「如果你要做一件你很想做的事，你必須做很多不情願但未至於要你放棄初衷的事情。」

on 'bullshit jobs"

So, I came across this commentary "On Bullshit Jobs" at The Economist and found it quite amusing. I recognize (and complain) a lot about certain jobs that I thought shouldn't have existed and do not have a meaningful existence in the economy anyway, most noticeably bathroom attendants (isn't it creepy to have someone hand you a towel suddenly when you turn your head to the mirror and have to pay for that) and elevator attendants (seriously? Why?). I agree that some administrative jobs are inevitable and some are putting through their routine working patterns involuntary, and ultimately machines will take over.

Sometimes you feel weighed down by something inexplicable, like an intangible force that suffocates you and extracts all positive energy in you.

我現在有種很強烈的感覺去了解一個人

好想知道你的一切，你的小習慣，你對待家人的方式，你對工作的熱誠，你對我的看法...

My mind is a bit clogged after listening to a thoughtful dinner conversation. To say the truth, I am too much of a coward. If I have my own perspective and position, I should step up and advocate them, instead of acting like a passive listener all the time. Too much emotional response running through my head at the same time and I try to anticipate what kind of feedback I will get- which often deters me from saying the truth. Then I'll always have to resort to writing as a means to reorganize my thoughts.

The topics discussed weren't the most important thing, but the extent to which others are willing to give you time to back up your statement. Too often, we neglect others' opinions because we just spit out our views like a reflex. It's not easy for someone to go against the flow, especially for an introvert. Nobody said you have to buy into their argument- but do you have the capacity to listen and appreciate someone's boldness to challenge you, before making a judgment call and proudly proclaiming that you are a liberal and respectful individual?

i can't get this song outta my head...

Afterthoughts...

Nothing feels emptier than letting a callous force- whom you poured your heart and passion to- tear your world apart. 

In a good mood today, since my first article for SCMP went out. I cannot seem to find it online, BUT I have another story that's selected to publish on American History of Business Journalism! So hyped up!

Read the story here.

This week, I started my internship at SCMP along with ten other interns.

The first two rounds of orientation have been nerve-wrecking for me, simply because of my damned introverted personality.

Anyway, saw this advice from Bloomberg Businessweek (which is a great magazine) and it really resonates with my belief:

"If I'm nervous, I'm in danger of learning something. I'm not nervous, I'm not pushing myself hard enough. So I've always pushed myself to do things that make me nervous."- Jeffrey Taylor, founder of Monster

亂寫

好久沒有寫blog了- 我這個人真的越來越懶。亦都是因為香港太多entertainment,加上工作， 喘不過氣來。其實我想好好寫些遊記，如我上禮拜的馬來西亞之旅。 

見人家的word press blog弄到有聲有色，我也決心開個比較專業的blog, 寫一些比較serious的文章。這對日後的resume也會比較好看吧。

今晚就出發去濟州及首爾了！籌備了很久，超期待的！聽說濟州的黑毛豬和鮑魚（對，又是吃！）很出名啊...

P.s.這幾天狂聽1872游花園的鬼故系列，又驚又要聽！想邊hea邊做其他野的人，我誠意推介啊！

想你了...

"BE THAT OTHER GUY"

Came across an article today and found this anecdote interesting:

Toward the close of the session, Carlson shared an anecdote that harkened back to Journalism 101. "So there's a guy who's sort of an upcoming reporter in the D.C. scene and works for the Washington Post or something like that," he said. "He gets transferred to Detroit to cover the automobile industry. He thinks he's a very smart guy, so he really studies up on and learns everything he thinks there is to know on the Detroit auto industry. So he goes up and meets a lot of the auto executives. Finally, at the end of a meeting with one of the executives, the executive talking to the reporter says, 'You are really smart. You know everything. You are really impressive. The last reporter who was in here, I had to tell himeverything.' The joke being --"

"You want to be that other guy," Weisenthal interjected amiably.

Carlson nodded, agreeing simply, "You want to be told everything."

Read more here.

---

Finals are piling up and it's nerve wrecking. One of the things I'm looking forward though, is my trip to Seoul & Jeju mid May :) 

Best and Worst Jobs of 2013

Before I clicked into WSJ's article, I did not have high hopes in the ranking of journalists

..and it proved to be true. "News reporters" are ranked at the BOTTOM of the list (#200).

:O)

Fingers crossed for business journalists.

"We spend so much time taking care of our bodies, we wash them multiple times a day, we feed them, nourish them, groom them, 

but we do nothing for what is inside of us, 

we walk around looking good on the outside whilst our minds have never been cleared,

they are cluttered, dusty, full of thoughts and memories that we haven’t let go of but drag along with us day to day like weights bringing us down."

entertaining episode

『我是男人，你可不可以做我的女人？』

xD

god bless kiko. you'll go through the surgery safe and sound, and you'll grow up to be a healthy girl.

>:)

The joy of getting a source to tell you what they shouldn't have disclosed....

BBQ day

Had a great day yesterday... Everyone shed their "protective selves" and got soaked in whatever fun we're having ☺ this is how college life should be!

"It's laissez-faire until you get in deep shit."— John Gutfreund, former CEO of Salomon Brothers In late October 2007

What can I say? Michael Lewis really captured the best lines from the investors who fed the monster and watched it explode. And need I say that I LOVE this quote (along with other poignant portraits of foul-mouthed Eisman and other oddballs)?! 

A short review on The Big Short will be up soon.

Chris Welles bio

Read my bio of Chris Welles, leading business journalist and former director of the Bagehot Fellowship Program here. I'm super hyped that it's finally up and I hope my sources will enjoy reading the piece. Got through 13 interviews (when our prof required 4) to learn about this guy! He's awesome.

早霸王

so entertained xD

gymnopedie

I never knew the name of this song, though I've heard the familiar melody over and over again.

Finally found it. As one of the viewers suggested, play this simultaneously with "Rainy Mood"– I'm not a fan of rainy days, but this combination inadvertently works well together!

And I stumbled on this song because I downloaded a "deep sleep" app, which will measure your sleep cycles and determine the best time to wake you up (in the most comfortable way). There're also various soothing tunes for you to choose in the settings. 

很久沒有在這裡寫東西了，並不是我放棄，只是心裡有太多段段落落的想法，沒有時間好好去重組及分析。我不想敷衍地交代那些情感。

我真切的感受到要投入一個新階段的壓力。從一個死小孩到迷茫的中學生，到開始找到熱衷，快要投入社會的畢業生...說真的還沒有做好心理建設。很多時候都是面臨難題及deadline都是抱著「過得一天就一天」的心態，有時候拿捏的比較好，有時候抓狂。因為不甘心停留在一個能力範圍，很多東西都想試一試，所扛的責任也變得越來越大（而這一切都是我自身選擇並有能控制的）。有時候明明知道走錯了，但還是猶豫不決...試完之後又覺得不夠好，甚至不敢回想。但是下一秒，又想再硬著頭皮試試...就這麼試一下，怕一下，又鼓起勇氣試一下...過了這個學期。

我想，只要是有方向的吃苦，就會苦盡甘來。

Back from Puerto Rico and I can't get over it. I WANT TO GO BACK.

我學姐

自從她來J School給了一個talk,我就每天看她在CNBC的報導...真有一張主播臉，還有非常的articulate!

I'm trying very hard to fall in love with SEC filings now.

Michael R. Bloomberg has been cagey about whether he might acquire The Financial Times; he is reported to have said, “I buy it every day."

I just love this reply.

note

 If you have beliefs that make you feel threatened when someone asks a question, then maybe you need to verify why you’re afraid of your beliefs. When you believe something that is based on strong foundation, you don’t have any reason to be threatened by others’ denial or attempt to undermine this system. 

快奔潰了。不定時吃飯，不按時睡覺，很多東西都猶豫不決 （而產生不必要的錯誤以及損失），可是又不想放棄能夠進步的機會....我快瘋了。每天當文字生產器，想個活死人般，值得嗎？

人越大，越害怕。 你已經不再是一個死小孩，要背負更大更沈重的責任了。你不能再單一地追求自己的目標及接受一個「比較好」的結果，而是要顧及你愛的人是否值得更好-或是最好的回報，然後拼命回饋他們。 你要將最好的留給下一代，不管過程有多難熬。

Are you a....

Maximizer or  Satisficer?

Maximizers...

• are always moving for something better
• want the "best" and outdo others

Satsificers...

• focus on doing well and meeting own standards
• willing to settle for a "good enough" choice

Sadly, I'm constantly weighing other options and consumed with "what I could have had" instead of committing to what I already have.

One of the best things in journalism is that you can have access to anyone across the spectrum, listen to their stories, and string them together into a cohesive piece for readers.

I'm still as nervous as hell when the interviewee is silent on the other side of the phone...but I believe these time & effort will pay. 

情意結讓人停滯不前， 讓你嘗試真相的痛後還是要微笑面對，竭盡所能保護他／她。

Helter Skelter

After watching "Helter Skelter," which is based on a manga by Kyoko Okazaki, I am pervaded by only one emotion: fear.

The movie depicts Lilico, a famous japanese pop star whose face and body have gone through plastic surgery (except for her nails, private part and ears, the only parts that she retained from her biological parents). Her doll-like features and perfect body shape swept numerous young girls' minds, which echo the obsession with beauty and "kawaii" culture in Japan. To satisfy her insatiable need for perfection, she has to  visit an expensive plastic surgeon regularly, whose ethics-free operation is backed by powerful politicians and artists. But at the peak of her success, the after-effects of her body modification starts to kick in. She has growing patches of blue-ish purple on her skin that can only be concealed by more make-up and injecting more chemicals/pills. The arrival of another model who is born beautiful, eventually overtook most of the magazine covers and Lilico is extremely threatened by her existence. She cannot help but going through more modifications to maintain her fame. This marks the journey of her depravity, where plastic surgery becomes an addiction and she exhausted all means to destroy those who are obstructing her path. She manipulates those who truly cared about her–most evidently her assistant – to alleviate her pain as they fall from grace together.

I'm not going to reveal the ending, but her downfall is clearly reflective of the modern Japanese society, where the mass is consistently seeking visual gratification. On the one hand, Lilico is a consumer of cosmetic plastic surgery, and on the other hand, there are those who just consume her images. The public, however, do not even imagine how hard Lilico had worked to get into her position– and how hard she still has to work in order to stay. The film did a great job juxtaposing both ends: the star spends hours and hours a day examining herself in the mirror, admiring her magazine shoots and going through all kinds of medication and physical pain, alone; and then the teenagers buying Lilico's products, admiring her images and striving to look more like the star. The star basically spends her entire life to entertain the public, yet the public quickly forgets her when another beautiful star arises.

It's a pain to watch this movie because of the physical intensity that is realistically portrayed. The psychological breakdown of Lilico is disturbing, slowly peeling her glamorous appearance and the dark side of the entertainment industry. But this is one of the best psychological thriller that I've ever watched.

Just now naive am I to cling onto the hope that you can stop being a bystander when your very actions contributed to this mess.

ouch

Doesn't it make you sad when people use your product only because there's a connection or an advantage (be it time, cost, effort, supply...); and how easy it is for them to walk away with it. I'm fraught with this type of disappointment.

愛上Lessang的歌，尤其是那沈厚的聲音，還有Gary好像快要lut beat 但又及時趕上拍子的rap。

但我無法好好的看他裝酷的樣子啊（因running man的關係）

這幾天都在忙寫文...我快要被訓練到一天可以寫2000字了。

Business journalism真的逼得我好緊...但我又有點喜歡折磨自己

現在的生活就是被deadline操控的。

i need to stop taking unnecessary risks.

addicted to...

I haven't been this addicted to a tv show for a while and The Newsroom is mind gripping! Just finished the first episode but the tension in putting together a breaking news about BP oil spill is SO exciting. I felt like I haven't been doing any real news at all and I want to experience this so bad.

很好聽。但我不是太習慣有肌肉的周杰倫

世上最難以接受的事實之一，就是儘管有幻滅與失望，但我們其實呼吸於豐足之中。{The Book of Awakening}

note

對我而言，面對痛苦的最好方法，是不斷重複你不想看到的畫面，重溫那些令你難過的對白，記住失去的溫暖和觸感。

不斷逼自己直視那難看的傷口，時不時觸碰它，然後，那時候認為承受不了或要死不活的感覺就會變得微不足到。

要成功，就要做你最不想做的事，嘗試一些自己完全不擅長的東西，而不輕易放棄。強迫自己走出comfort zone,要學會不動聲息，不要那麼容易被情感控制。

如果只待在自己喜歡的事和圈子裡，你根本沒有資格可以享受現有的生活條件。

When you try to possess someone, you'll manifest pain and call it love

＊＊＊

學齡前的男孩正在用沒有把手的杯子喝牛奶，但他的手太小，手一滑，杯子掉在地上，牛奶灑了一地，而杯子碎裂了。

背後傳來女人歇斯底里的聲音。

男孩捲縮著身體，女人好像踢足球般對著他的背，他的腰猛踢。男孩不斷地向女人道歉，但是她沒有停止拳打腳踢。

當他已經沒有力氣哭喊時，母親終於停止了。

「對不起，你千萬不要討厭媽媽。媽媽讓你感到痛不是因為討厭你，是因為媽媽是全世界最愛你的人。」母親撫摸著一個又一個的瘀青，然後告訴他，這都是愛他的證明。

母親讓男孩渾身瘀青，這個行為的理由，就是因為母親愛男孩。

如果暴力就是愛，那我情願不要愛。若男孩知道了世界之大，還能夠那麼肯定對母親說嗎？後來母親開始抽煙，到男孩做錯事的時候，會用煙燙他。

在他的身體上有一輩子都無法消失的烙印，名為「愛的證明」的烙印。

母親帶給他美化成愛的行為，在現實世界中，只能博取同情，讓人覺得是可憐的孩子，但用優美的文章寫在紙上，是不是能成為愛？

＊＊＊

太多時候，人們暴力的、病態的、激勵的、犧牲的行為，都被賦予愛為名。

但真正的愛應該不需要修飾、昇華, 在任何人眼中，都知道那是愛。

所以不要再用自己的方式為愛解讀，然後任性地作著「為對方著想的事。」

不要為了平衡對方的錯事，而故意增添自己的罪惡感，然後說服自己說：「他的謊言及行為並沒有超越世俗的是非善惡。」

這樣只會扭曲自己對愛的信念。